


Curiosity

by shipless_ocean



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Alternative Perspective, Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friendship, Mental Health Issues, Sam's POV, also teenagers being teenagers, alternative ending, lotsa angst, romance driven, smut as a plot device i guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-29
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-04-28 19:23:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5102738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipless_ocean/pseuds/shipless_ocean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternative plotline, presuming that Josh and Sam were a couple. Told in episodes from 2013 until the events of the game itself. There will be a different ending..<br/>~<br/>“It's okay Josh. I'm with you on this”. Sam made this promise, fully aware of how much of a challenge it would be to keep it. His demons liked to interrupt the process.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Important note: I'm looking for a native English speaker to beta read this fic ('cause I'm not).  
> Please leave a comment with your tumblr account if you're interested so I can message you on there.  
> You shall be rewarded with lots of lovin' and digital chocolate chip cookies!
> 
> I want to apologize for any mistakes I might have made in this chapter. Feedback of all kind is very much appreciated. :)

**27** **th** **November 2013**

"Would you like some wine?", Josh asked after Sam sat down at his parents' kitchen table, fully decorated with three lit candles and the whitest table cloth his home had to offer.

"Uhm, well, I don't really drink on weekdays, but… a coke would be nice?", she replied with a shy smile.

"Whatever the lady demands", Josh answered and bowed down jokingly, putting up that charming half-smirk that made his eyes shine. That was what got her here. He could be a very serious, even melancholic guy, but in his bright moments, there was this lust for life in his eyes, a kind she had never witnessed in anyone before. It had made her curious.

When he turned to go to the kitchen to get the drinks, his phone started ringing. Looking at the screen, he mumbled: "I gotta take this, sorry!". He left the room and a few moments later, the ringing stopped.

 

They were seeing each other _in that way_ for two weeks now. Sam remembered how he asked her out for the first time. They were exchanging flirty comments well for two years now, but Sam was still with her old boyfriend when it became obvious that Josh's feelings for her were serious. She broke up with him eventually, but Josh still didn't bring up the courage to be a little daring until his sisters became too nervous whenever they were spending time with both of them at the same time. They confronted him with a more or less seriously uttered „Josh, we need to talk“ after what was forever to be remembered as “the most awkward Halloween party ever”. At least that was what Hannah would tell her best friend later with a grin when Sam, chewing on her bottom lip, confessed to her that she was about to have a date with her older brother.

Of course she feared the potential awkwardness this might lead to, but Hannah seemed quite happy about it. “It's about time someone great came along for him”, she said with a simple smile on her lips. Sam was thankful, but it didn't exactly come off as a surprise as Hannah had always been very understanding and supportive of both of her siblings. Their relationships seemed so close that Sam sometimes envied her best friend for having a brother and sister.

 

When Josh came back down the hallway a few minutes later, he went directly into the kitchen, returning with two wine glasses. He set them both up on the table and filled his with red wine and Sam's with the desired soft drink. When he passed the glass to her, he winked and said: “Even if you're refusing this 30$ liquid, you still have to drink from that glass...for the whole picture, you know”. It was very much like him to make a joke of the fortune his parents owned while still somehow drawing attention to it. That was just the way he made others laugh – ridiculing himself.

Sam gave him a wide grin and lifted up one eyebrow, but something else really had caught her attention: his hand was slightly shaking. Other than that, he didn't seem very nervous right now, so she failed to make sense of it. “Cheers”, she said, raising her glass, and they made them clink, his glass vibrating in his hand.

After they both had drank – Sam a small sip and Josh a big gulp - there was an unpleasant pause. “Josh”, Sam said finally, giving his hands a meaningful glance, “are you okay?”. He sighed and his face turned stern. He, very slowly, walked towards his chair and sat down, looking at Sam intensely.

 

“I don't want to lie to you Sammy”, he finally said, “I thought I could hide this part of myself, but it turns out I won't be able to. My depression's gotten worse over the past few months”. Sam knew fully well that Josh was ill, as Hannah has told her when he was released from the hospital some time ago. Hannah seemed pretty confused by her brother's illness, apparently it hadn't been spoken about before, which made Sam quite uncomfortable.

 

She was very aware of mental health issues because her mum had made sure she would be. She once told her that her first boyfriend killed himself at the age of 19 because he suffered from depression, as would be confessed later by his heart-wrenchingly sobbing mother after the funeral. His parents had made sure that he would hide it even from his close family and friends, so Sam's mother didn't know about it until it was too late. This tragic loss had led to her being incredibly sensitive for this kind of disorders, as she tried to bury her sorrow in literature on the topic, making sense of everything. She had never explicitly told Sam, but her daughter was also sure that her career choice of nursing had been heavily influenced by the incident as it put her in a position to help out people in need.

 

Sam didn't say anything. The look on her face made clear to Josh that she was waiting for him to continue. “My psychiatrist changed the meds a few weeks ago because he doesn't think that the others were any good for me. So far I haven't noticed anything with these either, except for the side effects”, he held up his hand to emphasize the shaking, “when I got out, I wasn't picking up a call. I just have to take two pills on a daily basis now ”and I set an alarm to remind me. I haven't slept properly in days. I...I just think...I-”

 

He broke of. Sam knew what he was going to get at, but she wouldn't let that happen.

“It's okay Josh. I'm with you on this”

She stood up and walked to his side of the table, hugging him from behind. How exhausting did it have to be for him to be here with her, cracking jokes and being all hospitable? She placed a soft kiss on his neck and crossed her arms on his chest. “I'll be there okay? If there's anything you need to talk about. I'm right here”, she whispered. Josh has brought up his hands to hold hers. His breathing was erratic, but without facing him, Sam could feel the smile of relief when her mouth touched his cheek to leave a second kiss. “Now what about that home-made pizza you promised?”


	2. Chapter 2

**24 th January 2014**

This Friday night they went to see a local grunge band that Mike knew the guitar player of. Sam hadn't seen Mike, Matt, Emily and Jessica for quite a long time now, they were close to Hannah whereas she mostly spent time with her old childhood friends and the people she knew from the climbing gym when she wasn't at school. The Washingtons, who seemed to like to gather everyone around them, would become the only exception to this rule. Nevertheless, she would never miss out on the opportunity to see some live music. Music was an incredibly important thing in her family. Her father was a musicologist and now made his, admittedly moderate, income by selling second hand records in his own online shop he started with a friend. Sam couldn't play an instrument to save her life which was probably the only serious complaint her father would ever express about her.

 

They played in their own garage, but the sound equipment was quite impressive nevertheless. They had made a big effort to set up some nice lighting as well, they even placed some vintage lamps with orange light bulbs around the room, giving it a cozy feel.

 

The others didn't seem too impressed with the music. “Do they have booze here?”, Jessica asked in a skeptical tone and demonstratively turned her head to both sides after the first song had ended. Emily, Chris and Matt joined her in order to find something to drink. Mike kind of looked like he wanted to do the same, but it was obvious that he felt obliged to keep watching the show. “Bring me a beer!”, he shouted after them, to which Josh added, “For me as well please!”.

Beth cast her brother a look as if to say “Please don't get shitfaced again!”, but remained silent. She as well as her twin sister and Ashley seemed to enjoy the music without alcohol.

 

Josh didn't leave Sam's side the whole time, holding her hand in his. They were still in that phase and Sam loved it. She wasn't exactly blown away by the music either, but she appreciated the skill of the band. Considering their young age, they weren't too bad.

 

When the others came back, the girls were already a little bit tipsy. Each of them carried two small glasses of vodka, Matt had to balance three in order to have enough for everyone. “Shots, shots, shots!”, Emily chanted as they were handed out to everyone. After downing hers, Sam was shaking at the burning sensation the alcohol left in her throat.

 

Some moments later, the red-haired singer started talking: “I'm sorry to tell you that we are already at the end of our little performance”. Several “Aaaaww!”s came from the audience, followed by laughter. “Yes I know, these are hard times... We want to finish with something a little different from what we usually do. Maybe someone knows it. It's an old folk song.” She sat down on a bar stool on stage and the audience started applauding until the instruments started playing.

 

“Oooo-oooh death”, she started, her voice clearer than before, and the room fell noticeably more silent than before, “oooo-oooh death, won't you spare me over till another year?”

 

When Sam heard those words, the events of the foregone weekend quickly popped into her mind.

 

_An open DVD box lay on the sofa table. It was the_ Virgin Suicides _. Josh and Sam had just finished their newly established Sunday afternoon movie marathon at her parents' house. It was the third Sunday of the month, which they lovingly referred to as „Movies that most other people would find really strange, but we are so deep that we get them“-day - the other ones carried the, admittedly a little more concise, names „Horror movies“, „Action movies“ and „Classics“._

 

_The credits had just rolled and they sat there in silence._

 

“ _Have you ever considered killing yourself?”, the question came out of the blue and as a mere whisper, but Sam's voice was clear and strong._

 

_The two of them were sat cuddling on the sofa, her head resting on his shoulder, he had put an arm around her. But now, Josh pulled out of the hug._

“ _Sam, do you wanna know what really pisses me off? You always need to know everything. It's your obsession. You need to be told every single detail even if it doesn't fucking matter. Why do you care whether I thought about killing myself? I'm here and alive now, isn't that enough for the moment? Fuck, Sam, my life sucks okay? I'm plagued with a shitty disease that isn't my fault and I can only get through the day halfway well if I'm on some psycho meds, when they do something for a change at least. Of course I have considered killing myself! I might have taken too close of a look at how many sleeping pills it'd take to do it and how I could put them back over the weeks without my parents finding out about it. I might have stood on a bridge at night with one leg over the fence, too scared to pull the other one over as well. I might have tested out some kitchen knives on my arm to see which one's the best to do it. But I obviously didn't go through with it, okay? Shit, Sam! Feel better knowing that?”_

 

_His voice had gotten louder and louder during this outburst and his cheeks were slightly red now. Sam didn't know what to say to this at first, because she didn't know that kind of Josh. In all the years she knew him, so pretty much since she had met Hannah in junior high, he had never gotten even remotely loud. He was always calm, considerate, caring, even when he was fresh into puberty. He wasn't really the rebellious guy either (except for some inappropriate jokes). He was pretty likeable for pretty much everyone._

 

_Maybe that was the problem._

 

“ _Wow Josh, sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, okay? I'm just trying to find out who you are”, she tried to stay calm, but the slight shaking of her voice would have him know that she was on the verge of crying. She didn't want that now. She wanted to be strong for him, so she fought back the tears, “a-and I feel like honesty and being open about... your past is the best way to go about this”_

 

“ _I know you think that!”, Josh was still angry, but not as furious as before. He grabbed his jeans with both hands, apparently in order to calm himself down. “I'm not used to...this, Sam. That someone would care so much, to me it just feels like mockery”_

 

“ _I am not mocking you, Josh!”, now it was Sam's turn to be angry, “what do you take this relationship for then? A silly joke? Do you think I'm just messing with you? Because I'm sure as hell serious about this and I thought you were as we-”_

 

“ _I am!”, he replied, getting louder again. He made a short pause, searching eye contact, then went on silently, “I just have a hard time trusting you for...for liking me”_

 

_Sam just sat there, looking at him, and, for her uncommon, at a loss for words._

 

Sam wanted to slap herself in the face now for being so insensitive that day. That was one of her biggest weaknesses, Josh was right about that. She was way too curious for her own good sometimes.

 

Jessica, who was standing in front of Sam now and staggering slightly already, whispered to Emily: “Now that's a little dark for a party huh?”. Sam knew that she didn't want the others to hear it, but still she felt the need to slap the back of her head. She just found this kind of behavior disrespectful towards the performers, but she kept that to herself.

 

“Oh death, oh death, consider my age, please don't take me at this stage“

 

Sam felt Josh tense up merely by holding his hand, and turning her face to her left she could see his jaw line sticking out more than usual. She was sure that he was remembering exactly the same conversation as herself. She gave his hand a light squeeze and he turned around. She smiled cautiously and felt warmth spreading through all of her body as he smiled back down to her. They leaned in for a short kiss.

 

After the concert was over, the twins left because they didn't want to miss their flight the next morning to visit their aunt in Florida. Josh had been asked to come along as well, but he made excuses to spend time with Sam. At least that was what he wanted his sisters to think. In reality, he only referred to his mother's sister as “the devil who wears Prada” and simply didn't want to go see her for an entire weekend if he didn't absolutely have to. Sam hadn't inquired further information thus far.

 

The rest of the group stayed to have a few more drinks. Josh had quite a bit more than Sam, but she was used to this. She had a feeling that he would drink a lot more when she wasn't around though. She pushed the thought away. This moment was too perfect. She could see Josh the way she loved him the most, joking around and pursuing his never-ending quest of uniting Chris and Ashley. It made her forget the crushing darkness of some of their private conversations, when she was able to crack parts of his shell and see what was going on inside of him. She needed to know and she was up for it, but that didn't make it an easy task. It was a challenge that she liked to think of as a mountain to climb. When you were on your way, you could never know if you would be able to make it to the top safely, yet failing was not really an option.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter, as always, I'm happy to hear your feedback.  
> I'm also still looking for a beta reader, please drop your tumblr name if interested.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is just some good old fashioned smut. Please enjoy!

**25 th January 2014**

She was definitely not drunk. Maybe a little tipsy, but surely not drunk.

 

Josh and her went back to his house together, they didn't part as they usually would during the night, it just didn't feel right this time. A short look at her watch told her that it was already 4:43 A.M.

 

Sam could sense that Josh was nervous, he went upside the stairs to his room much more silently than usual. She grinned at this insecurity. When they reached his room, he opened the door carefully and turned around holding his index finger to his mouth, pointing his head to the left, where Hannah and Beth were probably sleeping right now. Sam could hear the tap being used in the bathroom on the other side of the hall, apparently someone was already up. This was a strange situation – definitely the first time she felt as though she had to hide from the Washington twins in their own house, but right now she'd rather not have them notice what they were up to. She sneakily rushed inside the room after Josh, who was just as tense as before.

 

„Hey, Joshie, relax“, she whispered gently, caressing both his forearms, a big smile on her face. He reluctantly smiled back and gave her a soft kiss and she felt at least some of the tension slip off of him. He lifted her up and started to walk backwards, making her mouth release a small giggly scream. He hushed in her face, half serious, half joking, which made her giggle even more. He let them fall on the bed backwards and started caressing her back gently. She on her behalf reached her hands towards his head and buried them in his hair while deepening the kiss. He let his wander towards her buttocks and squeezed them slightly. Sam parted from the kiss for a few moments, just letting Josh feel her warm breath on this face and hovering his jaw, only to make her lips touch his skin ever so slightly in between the exploration of the lower part of his face. She proceeded to place light kisses on his neck, which he answered with a tighter squeeze on her bottom and light moans. His response sent a warm sensation through her body. She started to slowly unbutton his plaid shirt but made sure not to interrupt the gentle caressing of his neck in the process, eventually moving down to his collarbone. Josh was forced to place his hands on her waist now, using this opportunity to slowly pull up her jumper. She helped him to take it of completely by sitting up.

 

She considered this to be a good moment to turn on the light on the bedside locker. She wasn't really concerned that this would make her partner insecure, she wanted him to witness every bit of this. She fumbled for the switch a few seconds, and after she pressed it, was more than happy to have done so. Josh looked incredibly sexy like this, shirt half unbuttoned, hair a complete mess. Looking deeply into his eyes that stared back at her, excited and nervous, finally gave her the confirmation for what she had already suspected when they had walked up the stairs - “You've never done this before, have you, Joshie?”, she asked him, smiling at him reassuringly. He just nodded and wasn't able to hold eye contact, as if ashamed of that, but Sam wasn't surprised about this from what she knew about him. She imagined it to be very difficult for someone as troubled as him to open up easily to a romantic relationship, let alone casual sex. No, that wasn't his style. His smutty jokes alone couldn't conceal that.

 

“Don't worry about that”, she whispered. It was time to take control, then. Sam continued to unbutton his shirt whilst sitting up. He helped her to strip himself by lifting up slightly and shaking it of his arms. When he laid back down, Sam made it a point to very slowly and teasingly take of her bra. Josh couldn't keep an eye off her, he even bit his bottom lip. After her bra had landed on the floor, he started to caress her breasts in his hands. He was very careful, like he was trying to find the pressure that would make her comfortable, and the lightness of his touch made her shiver all over her body and a small moan escaped from her lips. Josh smiled, apparently pleased with the effect he could have on his woman.

 

Sam slid down a little in order to unbuckle his belt. When she started to unbutton his jeans, she could already feel that he had grown hard, pressing against his boxers. She moved down in order to take both pieces of clothing of at the same time. Josh hissed slightly at the sensation of the fabric against his erection as well as being left bare in the cold all of a sudden.

 

He tried to sit up, probably in order to get Sam out of her trousers as well, but she pushed him back to the bed decidedly.

Josh was visibly surprised and raised an eyebrow at his girlfriend, which she just replied to with a smirk. But he obliged in staying put on the bed as Sam first took of her trousers and then her panties just as teasingly as her bra a few minutes before. Then, she lay down on Josh, eager to make their bodies touch at every inch possible and engaged him in a passionate kiss. He buried his fingernails in her buttocks, making her moan loudly now. She could feel his cock grow harder at the inside of her thighs. He placed his fingers between her legs, trying to stimulate her clit. It was obvious that he didn't really have a clue what he was doing, so Sam sat up and gently took his hand and directed his thumb to her sweet spot. He started circling it and after a few turns found the right pressure to make Sam tilt her head back in pleasure. “Hnnh, ha”. The sounds escaped her lips and she could feel the wetness between her legs. Someone had once told her that alcohol decreased sexual pleasure, but for her it was quite the opposite. The slight dizziness in her head made every single touch much more intense. She placed her hands on the side of Josh's abdomen, his muscles tense. She liked his body a lot. He was quite slim and toned due to his love for baseball and running to free his thoughts.

 

When she was ready, she whispered: “Condoms?”. Josh nodded towards the first drawer of the bedside locker. She took the – still sealed – package, opened it and took one of the condoms inside.

 

She slid it onto his member and took it in her hand and helped it slide into her. She went slowly at first, in order to get both of them used to the sensation. Josh moaned loudly and shut his eyes. She started rocking her hips, meanwhile finding the position that was the most comfortable and pleasuring to her. She was completely in charge, Josh was clearly enjoying himself too much to bother moving. Sam didn't mind. She liked being in control in bed and being with a guy that let her do it was a rarity after all.

 

“Fuck, Sam”, Josh moaned beneath her. She had to remind him to keep moving his thumb by touching his hand, apparently he had forgotten in his bliss. He was all the more eager now and his movements became quicker. He exchanged his thumb with his index, middle and ring finger and didn't go in circles but in strokes, which allowed him to go even faster, making Sam call out his name as well. He learned fast.

 

Sam leaned back slightly to make the position of Josh a little less awkward, but never stopped to move her hips, now alternating the directions slightly, going not only back and forth, but also to the sides. She could feel the sensation of Josh's ongoing touch creep up to her stomach and moaned: “Like this, just like this..ngh”.

Josh beneath her started to tremble. “Sammy”, he managed to get out, “I'ma cum..”, his moans became louder, “aaah!”. Now it was his turn to tilt his head back, his hips curved up slightly as he came. This image, together with the ongoing stimulation of his fingers against her clit made Sam reach her climax about a minute later. As she still sat on him, the waves of her orgasm making her tremble, Josh looked up at her adoringly.

 

She lay down on his chest, panting, with him still inside her. She didn't want to move now, she just wanted to listen to his heart, rapidly beating against her ear. Their breathing rhythms differed at first, but as the seconds passed, it was as if they became one, slowly coming to rest. Sam smiled and used her hands to caress his shoulders which were covered in sweat. They just lay there for some time, and soon the first sunbeams started to illuminate the room. Josh mumbled: “You know what we'll do? Have breakfast in bed. Like, with orange juice and pancakes and all that jazz. And some more lovemaking to round it of.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave feedback in the form of comments or kudos so I know what you think.  
> I know this was quite a short chapter yet again, but the next one will be longer and plot driven, I promise! <3


	4. Chapter 4

**1 st February 2014**

Sam left the bus at the station closest to the cable car station at the Washingtons' lodge. She would have traveled with the Washington siblings if they didn't insist on coming one day early to prepare the lodge for „the party of the year“. Sam had actually offered to help them out, but she had been refused to do so decidedly. They were a little bit quirky when it came to this kind of stuff to be honest. They had been responsible for organizing big get-togethers and parties for as long as Sam could remember. They always teamed up weeks earlier and whispered conspiratorially about the plans for the next birthday, or whatever occasion there was (or wasn't, for that matter) to celebrate. Admittedly, they always did a great job. Sam assumed that this fascination with the extravagant just ran in the family.

 

Beth was an amazing painter and really enjoyed crafting, so she would always take care of the decorations. Sam remembered the most impressive thing she had ever seen her do: she chose to do a floral theme for her and Hannah's last birthday party. Not only did she make a bouquet for every single guest, choosing the flower she saw fit (Sam was given a delicately interwoven arrangement of sunflowers and eucalyptus), she even made illustrations for the place cards and menu by herself and printed them with her own screen printing machine. Her biggest dream was to work in the film business as a set designer.

 

The cooking was done by Hannah. She was the kind of person who would bring along self-made snacks even if the rest of the group just picked up a bag of chips at the gas station on their way to the meeting place. Sam always joked about how Han would end up as a housewife with three kids and a dog and prepare lunch sandwiches with freshly chopped cucumbers symmetrically arranged and the crust cut off. Hannah never objected.

 

And Josh, well, he was usually the mastermind behind it all, planning all the details and dealing with the logistics the girls didn't want to bother with. He was a true show master, a very strange combination of a puppet player and a salesperson. Sam was always intrigued by how well he knew how everyone ticked, and how he could manage a party with his two sisters without generating any conflict in the process. They were a great team. They always knew how to pass the time when their parents weren't around, which was, well, most of the time.

 

“Something's different here”, Sam remarked after Josh let her go from his welcoming embrace.

“You see this lodge through the rose-colored glasses that were handed out to you for dating my humble self”, her significant other replied with a terribly failed attempt at a British accent.

“Josh, where do I put the cookies?”, Hannah came from the kitchen to the living room. “Sam!”, she exclaimed, “I would hug you, but my hands are kind of tied”

“On the sideboard would be good I think. If we put them too close to the sofa we'll die of spontaneously induced strokes”

“ _You_ might, little fatty”

“Hey, it's only 6 pounds!”

“He feels really comfortable around you, Sam. That's good”, Hannah looked like she really meant it.

A few moments later, Beth entered the room with a set of pillows in different shades of purple. Then Sam notices what's off about the room. “The curtains! You changed all the colors!”

 

Chris was the next person to arrive about half-an-hour later together with Ashley. Josh had asked him to choose a horror movie for them to watch because he “saw them all already anyway”, which was probably the biggest declaration of trust he was capable of. Chris got _Carrie._

Josh chuckled.

“Really glad high school's over, hu? And I see, you also got my friend Jackie”

The two best friends were holding some kind of manliness contest, trying to figure out who was able to drink the most of different kinds of strong alcohol. Sam was quite sure that Chris was just looking for an excuse to get drunk enough to eventually scrape together the courage of confessing his romantic feelings to Ashley, but she kept that suspicion to herself. Ash was as timid as usual,she didn't speak much when Sam was around, so she didn't really get the opportunity to get to know her on a more personal level. She was that one acquaintance you didn't really know, but somehow really liked.

 

The thus far cheerful mood tensed up a little when the rest of the group came along, including Hannah's supposed prince in shining armor, imaginary father of the three kids and co-owner of the dog. Sam didn't really have the heart to tell Hannah that she should give him up. They didn't even have anything in common, as far as she could tell at least. The worst part of the situation wasn't Hannah's unrequited love for Mike though, but the fact that he was dating Emily. Sam knew that Hannah and her had been pretty close friends before and how disappointed Hannah had been when Emily decided to get together with Mike despite knowing about her crush. She would never openly tell Emily that she shouldn't be dating him, but her threshold of ridiculing the fact that her friend spent more money on a jumper than on a mobile phone seemed to have gotten significantly lower. Em had moved and and made the other girl from “the good neighborhood” her closest friend – Jessica.

 

To prevent awkwardness, Beth suggested they all sat down and had their first, non-alcoholic, beverage, made of grape juice and soda. It was the same color as the couch pillows.

 

**

In the early evening hours, Sam took a bath. The first time she came to the lodge she was so charmed that someone actually had a whirlpool in their own house that Beth insisted she should try it out immediately. So over the years it became kind of a strange ritual whenever she returned to the Washington Lodge. She even knew where they kept their candles.

 

When she walked through the upstairs gallery to get back down to the others, she walked past the main bedroom, which Emily and Jessica had occupied to get fully ready for the evening.

“Did you see the way she looked at him though?”, Emily's voice was full of disgust. “She was basically undressing him with her eyes.”

 

Sam really knew she shouldn't listen. But then again, if someone didn't want to be heard, it might be a smart idea to close the door of the room they were in, so..

 

“Don't get so upset about it, Em. She doesn't stand a chance against you and you know that”, Jess replied comfortingly. “So why bother?”

“You know, I just think she should know when it's time to give up. He chose me. She should fuck off.”

“Well, teach her a lesson then”, Jess' voice sounded like she was somewhere else entirely in her mind replying with things she felt were appropriate to say in this kind of conversation. A little sneak through the crack of the door let Sam know that she was painting her fingernails.

“What do you mean?”, asked Emily and looked up in the mirror she was currently sitting in front of to do her eyelashes so that she could see Jessica.

“Oh, I don't know....”, Jess looked up from her hands, “do you wanna know what I find more interesting? Did you see the way _Matt_ is looking at _you_?”

“Was he?”

“Oh come oooon, you can't tell me you didn't notice that!”

 

The blonde girl decided that she had heard enough gossip talk for the day and tiptoed further. When she arrived downstairs, the entrance door was opened and a very angry Josh came stomping in from the outside: “Why the fuck would you leave that thing out in the open?”

Sam saw that he was holding a rifle in his hands that he was now demonstratively shaking at Matt, who was following him on the spot. “I don't know man. Just calm down. No big deal”

“It's fucking irresponsible!”

“Come on Josh, no one ever comes here”, Chris interfered from the sofa, “it's not like someone would just take it and go on a murder spree”

“But, what _if_?”, Josh snapped back. Everyone in the room knew that Josh was just getting this annoyed at his father because it was him.

Especially because he also really hated guns.

“Anyways I'm bringing this back down”, he mumbled and left the room towards the basement.

Sam looked from Chris to Matt and back. She noticed just now that Matt was carrying a big pile of firewood all on his own. She quickly ran towards him.

“Let me help you with that. Let's make it a little bit more cozy in here, shall we?”

“Yeah, I'll get the beer from the fridge”, said Chris and joined in on her effort.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeey guys, I'm sorry that it's been so long since the last update but I was really busy with rl issues/moving/Dragon Age Inquisition...also admittedly, this was a hard chapter for me to write. I hope that I will be able to update a little bit sooner in the future. I also already have ideas for a sequel already which I'd kind of prefer to write now haha. Oh well. Enjoy this first! :-)

**The months after**

The ride back home from the lodge was like a blur now. Their parents came along with the cops and rescue team and insisted that everyone left the mountain, even Josh. He had protested, of course, but his father wasn't the kind of man who would have someone question his authority. But his son was too terrified to become angry, he sat next to Sam on the bus, staring out of the window the entire time, apparently not even noticing the gentle squeezes she gave his shoulder or the caressing of his hands. „They will find them, Josh“. Chris was seated next to Sam, separated by the aisle, the others sat several rows behind them. The silence was crushing.

 

Over the next two weeks, the 6 pounds that Hannah so jokingly mocked Josh about were shed. The circles under his eyes became darker again. One time, he would wake up in the night, breathing and shaking so heavily that he woke Sam up. Still no trace of them.

 

From the beginning of the third week on, the ringing got longer before he picked up his phone. Occasionally, he wouldn't pick up at all and just answer an hour later when she tried again – he never called back himself. When they met, the conversations were forced and the sex felt like a duty rather than a pleasure.

 

Then came the fifth week, and he wouldn't answer anymore at all. Sam stared at their Facebook conversations. The social network would let her know mercilessly that he saw everything she wrote, but she waited for him to reply in vain. She even went by his home during the hours she knew he was supposed to be there and no one would open the door. Whenever Sam tried to remember him or her best friend, she had trouble imagining what they looked like. Sometimes, their faces would merge together and become a sexless person with their most prominent traits: Josh's big eyes with their incredible depth in them and Hannah's glasses as well as her jawline. It made for a very odd-looking person. She wasn't able to tell whom she missed more, the only thing she felt was a brutal sense of abandonment.

 

When she received a letter precisely 53 days after the incident and saw Josh's handwriting on the envelope, she ripped it open carelessly while walking back from the mail box to the front door. It felt really out of character for Josh to send a handwritten letter the old fashioned way, she would have expected an email or maybe a small recording. What she found was a blank postcard, the words tiny but written neatly and seemingly thoughtful.

 

_Dear Sammy,_

_I want to apologize for not picking up your calls or opening the door for you (I know you know I was home). I just can't see you right now and I want to ask you to stay away from me. I know what you will think. You think that I can get through this with you and only feel like I am not worthy of your love. That what I need right now is being taken care of. But it's too late. They're not coming back and we both know it. I'm broken beyond repair. And even if I should deserve you, you deserve someone who can take care of you, not the other way around. You have so much going for you and I am sure you will find a nice guy who is a better fit for you than I am._

_Goodbye sweetheart,_

_Josh_

 

Sam had to read it three times in order to fully grasp the meaning of everything that was written there, and then, finally, the tears started dwelling. It was the first time since the disappearance of the twins that she had been able to cry, and now it was unstoppable. She quickly shut the door and let herself slide down on it. Now she sat and the floor and bawled her eyes out, eventually she threw the card as far from her as was possible as if that action was somehow able to make what she had just come to realize undone. But the darkness came over her eventually.

She didn't obey Josh's request initially, and called him up to 10 times a day, but he remained unshaken. They didn't have any contact again.

 

As he didn't know how to differently handle his daughter's misery, her father tried to encourage Sam to pick up playing the guitar again, and this time he was successful. She wasn't sure why, but letting something new yet familiar into her life and spending an hour a day with her father trying to make her properly play a F major chord was the only thing that really made her forget about her problems for a little while. Some days, she practiced excessively for several hours and made progress rapidly.

 

On a whim, she texted Mike to get the phone number of that grunge band's guitar player in order to ask him for the riffs for _O Death_. He offered to teach her the song one on one if she came by and she agreed, but when he asked her to stay for a coffee when they were finished, she told him she had a lot of work to do at home. This couldn't have been further from the truth, in fact she didn't really do anything. Her parents had managed to make her apply for college, but school didn't start until fall, so she had plenty of time which she spent mostly in bed reading, sometimes eating three bars of chocolate a day, sometimes nothing at all. Sometimes, she cried through the entire night, sometimes she couldn't stop turning around until dawn and didn't find any rest at all.

 

Not even her most reliable joy, the climbing gym, was appealing to her anymore. The exercises seemed dull, she felt as though trying to reach to the top, one time after the other, constantly having to try again because she fell too early was repetitive. She also fell a lot more than usually. Her training partner asked her if she was okay several times, but the she would just smile at him and say “Sure, I'm good”.

 

Her parents couldn't really do anything else for her, but they stayed supportive and made sure that she knew she had their full support, even if she couldn't even find the motivation to leave her room for the entire day. Then her mother would just open the door as much as she needed to to place a plate with dinner and a bar of chocolate or another treat on the floor. She also encouraged her to see a therapist, which she objected to for the first weeks, but soon afterwards agreed to.

 

Her most reliant ritual would be calling Chris every two weeks. He was always the person of the group besides the Washingtons that she liked the most and she trusted him. He had texted her shortly after she received Josh's letter saying he was sorry about what happened, so she knew that Josh must have told him about it. She wasn't surprised by this at all. She knew that when it came to having Josh's trust, Chris was far ahead of her. Now she called him to ask him an ever unaltered set of questions about her ex-boyfriend.

How is he doing? Is he going out? How often did you see him? How is his family? Does he take his meds?

 

It was good to hear Chris' voice. She always connected it with a happier past, because she connected it to being with Josh. She wondered if Chris felt used sometimes, but if he did, he didn't let on. She also wanted to take some of the burden of him and since she couldn't get into contact with Josh directly, thought that listening to him might be a good way to go about this. He also updated her on the state of the others in the group, which slowly seemed to fall apart. Apparently Emily and Mike had broken up in a fight about the prank. When Mike pointed out to Emily, who had come up with the idea, that it was a huge mistake, she felt like he was trying to put the blame on her and flipped out eventually.

“And now Jess is making a little bit to much of an effort with him”, Chris sighed on the other line, “Sam, this is all crazy, when has everything gone so crazy?”

Sam thought to herself, _these bitches always were_. Two seconds later, she hated herself for thinking like this.

 

“I am a little worried about Josh and his family”, Chris told her another day, “yesterday he told me that Meghan, that one aunt of his, kind of attacked him when she came to visit last week. Something about how he should have protected them and that he was a drunk and a failure”. Sam swallowed. She supposed that was the devil who wears Prada, then.

“Does she affect his parents?”

“I don't know. But I suppose so. They were never the most...empathetic”

“And they've lost two children..”

“Exactly”

There was a pause.

“I am sorry Sam, but I should get to work”

“No problem, Chris. I'll call you”

 

**

Things got better for Sam when she started going to college in fall. She majored in biology and was so eager to learn after all the months she spent mostly at home with rather shallow entertainment that she was more motivated than most of the people in her class despite the fact that she still wasn't at the top of her mood. She devoured books on zoology and marine biology. As she wasn't as eager on partying as most of the people around her, she found a lot of time to do so.

She had also moved out from home and lived in a dorm where she befriended her roommate next door over playing on her brand new Playstation 4 and their shared love for French actors. She also joined a new climbing gym and the volleyball team.  The only thing her classmates were a little bit puzzled about was that a pretty girl like her didn't have a boyfriend and also didn't show any effort to change it. Flirting was always one-sided (and Sam was flirted with a lot).

Her newfound business made her even forget about what happened on Blackwood Mountain at least on some days.

 

Needless to say, she was more than surprised when she got a link to a Youtube video in her inbox.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The way I perceive Until Dawn was recently heavily influenced by a Game Theorists video, and I highly recommend you check it out here if you haven't seen it yet, regardless of whether you care for this fic here at all: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zi4i6e99Z1k :-)
> 
> Stiiiiill looking for a native English speaker to beta read this! Sooooo.

**17** **th** **December 2014**

Sam's mum always thought that there were two strategies that were pretty common when people dealt with grief. According to her, they either cheer up on the outside because they know what suffering feels like. Their biggest desire becomes to protect other people from feeling the same. Or they become angry at the world, disappointed with it because it has disappointed them. The feeling of being treated unfairly grows each passing day, and it casts a shadow over their consciousness, day in, day out.

 

After the incidents on Mount Washington, Sam took up the first strategy. It came to her naturally, without giving it any thought.

But when she saw the video of Josh, smiling into the camera and inviting his old friends, there was a pretty clear shift. She felt the anger. Her first impulse had been to throw her phone at her bedroom wall, but she was able to resist. She could feel her heart beating in her chest, becoming quicker and quicker, and a strange hot sensation that tied her lungs together.

 

_How did he fucking dare?_

 

After all this time, how was he able to invite her to a party? She hadn't known what he was up to for several _months_ , and now, he just expected her, expected everyone else, to watch this and go "Yeah, sure, why not!"? After fuming for several days and irritating everyone around her with her dismissive behaviour and a grumpy, loud "I'm fine, okay!" to the various expressed concerns of her classmates, she tried to get a more rational grip of the situation. After realizing that she couldn't manage that on her own, she did what she should probably have done in the first place. She called Chris.

 

"What the fuck was that?", was her charming opener, to which Chris answered with a chuckle.

"I have no idea Sam, I have no idea"

"Did he tell you before, like, did he announce that he was planning something like this?"

"Nope. It was quite a surprise for me as well"

"What the fuck, Chris?"

"I know Sammy"

"You goin'?"

"Well. I suppose so. Maybe it helps him, you know..."

There was a pause. Sam thought ' _Yes, maybe, but has anyone ever considered how I feel about anything? About how to help me?'_ , but she didn't say anything for a while.

"....and maybe it can also help us", Chris added simply.

 

Sam felt a little bit selfish right now for not having considered this. She was so preoccupied with her and Josh's feelings that she hadn't really given too much thought about what the others were going through. Still, even from this perspective, it was hard for her to imagine that going back to the Lodge would be of much use to anyone, let alone solve any of the conflicts that had risen in the past couple of months.

"How is that, Chris?"

"Well, I...I think we've all been pretty busy trying to forget what has happened, at least that was my impression. But I am not sure if that has had a lot of positive effect on anyone. Not only you, or Josh, the others too. That break-up of Mike and Em...and I know Ashley well enough to see that she tries to forget and not feel bad about it, but hell, _does she_ "

 

Sometimes, Sam was surprised by how good Chris was at reading and judging people's feelings. There was so much more to him than your stereotypical slamming bits of Java code into the keyboard until deep into the night. She smiled at the thought that he cared so much for everyone.

"I'll think about it, okay?"

 

 **7** **th** **February 2015**

A couple of weeks later, she found herself standing next to Chris at a shooting range near the cable car station of the Washington Lodge. They had not noticed it the year before and Chris wanted her to see something.

 

The two of them and Ashley had met after Christmas, which had been awkward at first, but eventually became pleasant. She couldn't yet bring herself to forgive Ashley for taking part in the prank, and she knew that Ashley was aware of this, she had been able to see in her eyes that, when they weren't trying to avoid meeting hers, looked at her like those of a scared doe. Ashley was brave enough to express the respect she had for Sam to join the party on Mt. Washington. She had called it "courageous".

 

Now, Sam identified the rifle that Josh had found a year ago and brought to the basement. "I wonder if Bob has used it since?", she asked Chris.

"I suppose so", he answered. They shared a look and both knew that they were thinking the same. It was quite hard for them to imagine that Mr. Washington would come back after what happened, drive up to the lodge, get his rifle, bring it back down and use it for a nice, distracting workout.

"I don't get this man"

"Maybe it's his form of therapy?"

"I suppose. Let's go please."

 

They started moving towards the station. "I really didn't think anyone would come to spend time here after what happened.", remarked Chris.

"Well, we are", said Sam simply. Her companion remained silent.

 

Sam knew that now, with the twins gone and a rather icy relationship with Josh, she was bound to become the black sheep in the group, but she didn't care anymore. She wanted to know if there would be some sort of catharsis to be felt, and if she was honest with herself, she also wanted to see Josh again. The pain was still there, of course, but it wasn't as intense anymore. She knew it was stupid, but there was a little bit of hope for them that made her smile when she thought about it. The thought of having to face Emily, Jessica, Matt and Mike, though? Not so much.

 

After a short wait, they entered the cable car. After they shared some concerned thoughts about Josh bringing them back together on the mountain.

"So, wanna know how Josh and I met?", asked Chris, and Sam, to her own surprise, realized that she really did want to know.

**

 

There he was. When she noticed him she realized for the first time that it had actually been almost a year since she had last seen him. Her body gave a strong reaction to identifiying him: it felt as though her blood rushed through her veins, she felt hot and cold at the same time, wanted to yell at him and touch him and slap him and hug and kiss him, everything at once, but she just kept quietly in the background and tried not to stare at him too much. An old song her dad used to play crossed her mind. _I can't take my eyes off you_. _I can't take my mind-_

 

He looked so different. And she didn't like what she saw. But then again, who was she to judge whether he really looked all that different or if she had just remembered wrong? There was a strange beauty about him that she had not seen before. The only way she could think of to distract herself was to give Chris a comment about Ashley. She felt like a heavy weight was lifted off her shoulders when he and Josh went around the lodge to get them inside the building. She avoided looking at Matt and Emily and sat down next to Ashley.

 

Finally inside a couple of minutes later, Sam noticed that something about the lodge was different than usual. Beside Matt commenting on th opposite, to her, there had been a clear shift in gerneral atmosphere and perception. Not only that, but the looks actually _were_ different. It wasn't as colourful as the last time, the purple curtains were gone.

Sam wasn't sure whether this was a random occurence, now, that Beth wasn't here anymore to take care of making the room look cozy and welcoming, or if it was on purpose. Knowing Josh, she assumed the latter. She could hardly believe that anything that Josh did during this week-end wasn't based on some kind of plan, a script, forcing them to react a certain way.

Maybe he wanted to remind everyone: "Hey, look at how dull this room is! Do you see, she's gone!". Force them to have some sort of opulence fast.

 

**

Why was she here again? That fight between Emily and Jess had more than proven to her that this was not going to work out. Sure, Josh had done his best to de-escalate the situation by sending Mike and Jess away to fuck their brains out, but she wasn't sure that would get them into the mood for a party (though it might be helpful to make at least one of them to tired to fight, though it wasn't him whose moods she was most concerned about right now.)

 

Sam breathed out heavily. "Okay, I'm gonna go take a bath", she announced and turned around to walk up the stairs before anyone could say anything else that would make her feel like coming here was a huge mistake. A bath wouldn't hurt. She did this everytime.

 

When she was just about to lean down to open the tab, she heard a familiar voice from downstairs.

"Sammy?!", Josh yelled. This was how he would traditionally get her out of the house when they were still together, standing a couple of feet away from her bedroom window and just call her name. Of course he could have used the bell at the front door like any other person, but probably he just considered it more romantic. Sam couldn't figure out anything that could possibly be romantic about this situation so she screamed back: "What?!"

"Can you help me get this fire going?"

She asked herself for half a second what the hell he was talking about, but then realized that he was probably talking about the fireplace. It was quite obvious that he was looking for an excuse to have her near him, but she didn't really understand why. There was something about the script she didn't understand. He was the one to push her away back then, and this was just awkward.

 

"Um, well, I was just getting into the bath", was her extremely elegant cop-out.

"Oh, I guess you might need some help with that!"

"What do you mean?"

"There's no hot water yet. Come on down, we'll put on the boiler!"

 _Great!_ , Sam thought. The only way to get herself out of the situation was to outright tell Josh that she'd rather not be alone with him in a dark basement, but she was obviously not going to say that. Sam sighed as she left the bathroom to go downstairs after all.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took me so long a.k.a. transcribing Let's Plays on Youtube to get the dialogue right reaaaaallyyyy sucks. The end of this story is in sight my friends!

While she walked down, each step of the staircase seemed to make irritably loud creaking noises, even though she was quite sure that they were completely fine and not half as old as they looked. Probably her mind was starting to play tricks on her to underline her complete ignorance as to how to handle this situation properly, she didn't know.

“Josh, no hot water is kind of a major oversight, don't you think?”, she heard herself say as she walked towards him.

“Yeah, we just have to fire up the boiler, it's in the basement”, he replied, still not able to look her in the eye properly. Not that she had done a much better job than him, but after all, he was the one who had called her to his side like a dog. A puppy. Being a puppy must be nice.

He turned to Chris and Ashley: “You guys go see if you can find the spirit board”

Her theory about the whole thing here being based on a script came to her mind. She understood why he would send Ashley and Chris away together. But what was the “Josh and Sam alone in the basement” scene supposed to be all about?

They were talking like old friends were supposed to now. He made a joking remark. She played along. He played the ball back. She chuckled. Then she rubbed her hands. They were itchy. Josh broke their walking forward by slowly turning around in the dimmed light of the basement and said: “Sam”. Pause. “I just want you to know that it means... _a lot_...to me that everyone came back this year and you know that... you came, Sam.”

Truth be told, she was quite surprised by the sincerity and clarity in his voice. It was not really his style. He would usually mask even the most honest of his feelings through self-controlled banter. In fact she was so irritated that she thought that what he was saying was pretty obvious. For a moment, she couldn't even bring herself to appreciate that he had scraped up the courage to admit it. But then she realized what a struggle it must have been for him. It was practically his way of saying he was sorry. Her throat felt sore when she started to speak.

“We're here for you, Josh. Whatever you need, whenever. We're all gonna make it through this. Together”. This was her encrypted way of saying ' _I accept. Kinda._ '. Josh took up walking downstairs again.

“Watch your step”

“I think I can handle a little old set of stairs”, she replied as a reference to that one time she was so drunk that she would have fallen down the stairs that led from their favorite park to the sidewalk, had Josh not caught her. Her ankle had been so sore for a couple of minutes that he had to give her a piggy back home.

“Uh-hu” was his not exactly elaborate answer. She was not sure whether he didn't understand that small inside joke or didn't want to.

They arrived downstairs and Josh opened the controls for the boiler. “Sorry to drag you down into the dark bowels."

 _Then why did you?_ , Sam thought and replied: “Just give me some hot water and I'll be super-fine.”

Sam contemplated whether she had just made herself sound like a porn star. In any case, there was no way to deny the tension anymore.

“I wouldn't want you coming down here on your own”

“Well, it's definitely creepy down here”

“Yep. Not a place to be on your own”

Sam spotted a baseball bat next to the locker. To occupy her hands and to give her something to talk about, she picked it up and turned back to Josh.

“Be pretty rough playing baseball out in all that snow”

“No, it wasn't in the winter, silly. I mean, we'd come up in the summer and we would have the best time. The whole family was there, mom, dad”, he made a short pause, “my sisters...it was some serious competition out there on the big lawn. I don't know. Can't go back. New reality, right Sam?”

She wanted to reply something, something that made him feel better. Whatever was left of the anger she had still felt earlier was gone in that moment, the only thing that was left was sheer sympathy. He had shut her out once but he had opened a small window just now. But she couldn't quite see a way to get through it yet, so she kept silent.

The baseball bat fell to the floor, giving a small 'clonk'.

Then, before she knew it, she was pressed up against the wall. The sheer force with which Josh had pushed her against it made her hiss in pain, but she was quickly interrupted by Josh's lips on hers. To say that she was surprised that this was happening would have been a ridiculous lie. She had known she was going to end up this way, but still wasn't fully sure what to think about it. Josh bit her lips. Her back hurt. Both added up and made her feel like she was fighting a battle. At the same time she felt better than for almost an entire year. She wondered if that metallic taste on her tongue was blood. She pushed one of her legs between Josh's. She missed him so much -

 

There was a noise and Sam jumped back slightly, initially still not letting go of Josh.

“What was that?”

**

She checked her lips while she was waiting for the tub to fill and her heart to stop beating like crazy from the prank that Chris had just pulled on them. There was definitely blood there. Great. It would be am utmost pleasure to explain that to the others later. She could tell them that she had slipped while trying to get into the bath or something similar. She took off her clothes and got lost in her imagination, in a reality in which she didn't have to do that on her own. She wondered what would have happened if Josh and her hadn't been interrupted. The thought stole a small sigh from her lips.

 

Someone bust in the door with such conviction they were doing the right thing that Sam wasn't able to react fast enough to cover any part of her now stark naked body. Surprisingly though, even at this state, Josh was considerate enough to close the door behind him. He stared at her like she had done something awful to him. His eyes seemed unable to focus on anything and his face was red. He seemed disturbed.

This time, he had dragged her down to the bath mat and covered her upper body in kisses and scratches. She wondered if these kinds of spontaneous endeavours would become the norm between them now. She couldn't help but moan loudly. As he was positioning his body on hers, she could feel that he was already hard. “I wanted you to do this to me in the basement already”, she whispered in his ear, which only intensified the ways in which he grabbed and caressed her body. “Finish it this time”.

He broke off the kissing and got up on his knees.“Sam, I don't think this is a good idea”, the way his chest was moving up and down and the way in which his voice broke let her know that he was thinking the opposite. He held down her chest with one palm so she couldn't move towards his face. She touched his forearm with both hands and moved them up and down gently in opposed directions.

“Then why start it?”, she whispered in a much more seductive tone than she had intended.

“I- I am really sorry, Samantha. I'm so sorry”, he got up and before she knew it, shut the door behind him.

 

_What is he sorry for?_

 

The thoughts were spinning in her head like crazy. She was still panting and it felt as though months of unsatisfied lust were piling up in her entire body. She had been able to see that Josh was on the verge of crying when he had left the room. _Samantha._ He never called her Samantha. Why did he close that window again, just now?

 

As she felt something wet on her hips, she jumped up to close the tab of the bath tub that was now slightly more than brimful. She was shaking. Mechanically she lit the candles that were standing on the edge of the tub and on the window ledge. She had to figure something out to calm herself down if she was going to face the others again sometime this night. She fumbled in her backpack to get her iPod. Her father would always listen to the Cello Suite when he was stressed out. It seemed like good old Johann was the only person who could help her at this point.

 


	8. Chapter 8

Under different circumstances, Sam would have been pretty bummed out by the fact that she was sitting in a pitch dark room with nothing but a dirty towel on. But considering the fact that she had just escaped what could otherwise have only sprung from a B horror movie, she was pretty delighted that she had gotten away with a few scratches and two bloody knees only. And at least now she wouldn't be inconvenienced by having to explain her busted lip and how she got it. The remains of the tub water and soap on her skin mixed with sweat as she waited for her breathing to become steady again. After Josh had left her on the bathroom floor earlier in the night, she had been pretty sure that things couldn't get any more fucked up. That _he_ couldn't get any more fucked up. But there was a conflicting thought that popped up as soon as she had seen that masked man started to move towards her. How t he way that this guy walked was familiar. Too familiar. She knew that it didn't make sense as she had just seen a recording of Josh being sawn in half. There was a fault in some system. Maybe _she_ was losing it. She felt sickness crawl up in her stomach.

 

She tried not to think about it and instead find out where she was. She never had had the opportunity to fully explore the lodge, so she couldn't quite figure it out. But she wasn't one to lose her composure in this kind of situation. Climbing had trained her pretty efficiently for overcoming the feeling of being trapped. She thought about how the masked guy hadn't really appeared to make an actual effort to catch her, she was crawling down a vent of some sort.

 

_Josh is not crazy, Sam. He's not crazy. He's ill. More probably even, dead._

 

She kicked a grid out of her way and found herself in a room she definitely hadn't seen before. She was cold. The script had taken a sick twist. She looked around and realized that she surely wasn't in the lodge anymore. She remembered how the Washingtons had mentioned an abandoned hotel that was somehow connected to their property and she figured that this would have to be it.

A medical record found its way into her hands. Most of what she found wasn't news to her, but still, it felt different. When Josh had told her about it, it didn't seem as official as with a signature and stamp and chemical compounds written on it. When she flipped through the papers they told her the story of his downfall in a cold, clinical way and she non-willingly started to feel mad at this Dr. Hill fella for not being able to help him, to do anything about it. Hadn't he studied for years and years for _something_? She could see how awful Josh was doing in the time span he had rejected any contact with her. Why hadn't he been able to let her in?

 

Then, desperate text messages that made her anger towards Dr. Hill mellow down a little. A drawing of an elaborate murder simulation machine.

 

She was right.

 

A shrine dedicated to Hannah and Beth, hadn't she known better, she'd have deemed an obsessed sex offender responsible for it. Badges indicating how well they did at everything they touched. Every Washington is a winner, right? They don't just _die_ like that. Not without payback - she felt the urge to choke him with her bare hands. If he had been around at this very moment, she actually might have.

 

After she had passed through the hallway and found her clothes on a dummy, her heart almost skipped a beat as she could feel someone's hands grabbing around her bare ankle. For a hopeful second she thought he'd come back for her, to explain to her what the hell he was playing, but it was just Mike. Nevertheless, she was relieved to see a friendly face, for once.

“Mike! What are you doing down there, there's g-. Oh God Mike, thank got you found me”, the last words just slipped out of her mouth, but she really meant them.

“It's okay, you're okay”, he looked god-awful.

“Where's Jessica? She's not with you?”

“Jessica is dead.” No.

“What?”

“He killed her, Sam.”

 

Sam felt her mouth go dry as Mike kept on updating her about what he had been through. Josh couldn't have done that. He wouldn't have. She wasn't sure anymore of what Josh was capable of, admittedly. But _kill a friend_? That was a different story.

 

Sam and Mike reunited next door and she got dressed in her sports clothes. As she bent down to tie her shoes, she started to feel dizzy. Nothing about the information she had gathered seemed to make sense. She wondered if she should tell Mike that she didn't believe Josh had actually been killed, but that would put him in an unfavorable position, as Jessica would still be dead. She kept silent. There was no point in confusing Mike now.

 

There wasn't much to be considered anymore as they heard crying from the room ahead of them. They threw themselves against the door to open it and she could catch Ash's screams followed by someone shooting a gun. So he was here.

“Oh Chris. Chris, Chris, Chris”

“What the fuck?”

“I mean you've heard of blanks before. I mean really?”

 

Before she was able to reveal Josh's identity to the others, he lifted his mask off his face by himself. He looked like he had cried. Like someone who had just watched a tragic movie, his eyes glimmered with both amusement and sorrow. Sam felt how afraid she was of him in that very second, and it didn't feel right. This wasn't the man she was supposed to be scared of. It was the man she had made a promise to that she hadn't been able to keep. He was supposed to be the scared one, the scarred one, intimidated by his surroundings. Not her.

“Josh!”, Chris exclaimed as he saw his face. He was clearly caught off guard. Sam was sure that she was the only person in the room that had even suspected that it was him. The fact that she knew him well enough to figure him out like that, even before she had found the fully conclusive evidence wasn't a sufficient gratification in the current situation.

 

Josh started laughing. It was hideous.

She shouted his name as well, out of a lack for any other words. She just wanted to make him stop. Her body acted on nothing but impulses and started untying Ashley's hand. She felt like she didn't have control over her own hands anymore.

 

“Oh good, everyone of you, you got my name! And after all you've been through, good good good”, Josh's voice sounded like it came from somewhere else to her, faint, he was drunk on his delusions “I mean how does that feel? Right? How does it feel? Do you enjoy feeling terrorized? Humiliated? I mean..panicked? All those emotions that my sisters got to feel one year ago! Only guess what? Only guess what, they didn't get to laugh it off, no! Nope! No no no! They're gone!”

“I don't know if you've noticed this, Josh, but none of us is laughing”, Mike said dryly, and stayed surprisingly calm doing it. Sam was incredibly thankful that she wasn't the one who had to interrupt her former lover.

 

Josh went on to explain how he had prepared everything in the lodge to mortify them. Sam wondered how much planning it must have taken, how many hours he put into this. And then she got stuck somewhere: Why her? She hadn't done anything wrong and Josh knew that very well. He could have simply not invited her. No one would have noticed – they would have all understood why he didn't want to celebrate with his former girlfriend. What was he punishing her for? Or was he not trying to punish her at all? Then it occurred to her.

“Josh, your fingerprints were all over this, it was obviously you”, she had to put immense effort into this sentence to keep her voice from shaking.

“Oh, really, Really, really, really?”

“You're crying out for help, Josh! Come on, you wanted to get caught, didn't you?”

“Oh, sure. I'm totally jut crying out for help. Help me Oh help me, help, help!”

 

It was pointless. Not only had he shut that window down, he had nailed it up. Something cracked inside her. As Chris and Mike led him out of the building, she didn't protest. Not because she agreed with what they were doing, as she couldn't believe for one second that he had even come close to Jessica, but because the fear that crept up inside her was reminiscent of the one she had had when she read his goodbye letter. It wasn't something she ever wanted to feel again. She couldn't see how anything she did at this point in time would help him anymore.

 

* * *

 

 

The prospect of the scenario that the stranger laid out to them shouldn't have made her feel as much relief as it did. But any news that shifted the blame away from Josh were good news to her now.

“Your friend will already be dead”, the stranger gave Mike a look that was probably supposed to be sympathetic when he pointed out they had made a giant mistake by leaving Josh in the shed, but seemed forced. Probably it was his lack in communicating with other people here in these mountains.

 

Sam froze. If Josh really died, what would that mean for her? She glared of into space, then fixed her eyes on the cupboard on the other side of the room. The voices around her felt like they were far, far away again, like someone was pressing cotton wool into her ears. She was able to gather that Chris and the strange man wanted to get Josh. That was good. Probably she should have volunteered to get him as well? She didn't know. She started to move mechanically towards the basement.

 

The waiting was horrendous. No one said anything, the only sounds that let her know that she was still alive were the blasts of wind that occasionally hit the house like they were trying to carry it away.

 

When Chris returned, he was alone. No stranger, no Josh. The wendigo had torn the stranger apart, according to him. Sam told herself that the same thing couldn't possibly have happened to Josh. She felt the situation tense up, Mike was starting to get nervous. He rushed from one side of the room to the other, picking at his mud covered face. He tried to convince them to leave. He probably couldn't stand the standing still. Sam could sympathize. If there was anything they could agree on, it was that not being on the mountain would be better than their current situation, but she didn't want to lose anyone else. Emily pointed out that they couldn't use the cable car, as the key was gone. As Mike concluded that Josh was probably the one who had taken it with him, she knew that there was no stopping him anymore.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, the last chapter before the finale! I know it was mostly retelling in this and I tried to keep it at bay, but I kind of wanted to convey the different emotions I think Sam might have been going through in this situation. The last chapter will focus on the end of the game though and it's half-way done, so...stay tuned :-)


	9. Chapter 9

“I had no choice.” The pages of the diary were damp and felt like they were a century old. The words had been written with coal or something similar, the writing looked as though a second grader had been responsible for it, but the meaning of the words told a different story. The thought what Hannah had been going through while they were already in a bus back home, then sitting around waiting for a couple of weeks for someone else to find them was breaking her heart. She had fucking eaten her sister. Mike wasn't able to accept it at first. His brain denied him basic deduction and she didn't blame him.

“Fuck!”

“We need to find Josh”, her voice was shaking, “right now!”

 

Was there a curse surrounding the Washington family? Were they unable to find a happy ending by default? Who knew. The ice cold water was rising around her at started touching her chest as they waded through. She was thankful for it though.

* * *

“I don't take orders from you!”, the familiar voice distracted them from the beheaded body of the stranger that was swaying almost peacefully on the ceiling. The relief was clouded by the fact that the man that was stumbling through the mines was only remotely reminiscent of the one she had thought she was looking for. She had been around him while he was going through unstable emotional states before and his voice would always shift and sound like a caricature of itself – but this time, it was different. When she had heard it before, it hadn't sounded like begging to her.

“What's the matter with him, Mike?”

Slap. “Josh!”, he was back with them. Sam could feel the words burst out of her mouth, she couldn't stop herself from telling Josh about Hannah until Mike interrupted her. She should know better than confront him with this new information in this kind of situation, but she felt like he deserved to know either way. Wasn't this why they were forced to look for him down here in the first place? That the pain of loss without knowledge had been torturing him so much that he tortured his friends in return?

 

“Okay, Josh, do you have the key for the cable car?”, she glanced towards the brightness at the top of the mines, it was screaming at her to climb up. It would mean a sort of freedom, even if it didn't promise ultimate safety, she still would have escaped this wet, dark pit of horror. But she couldn't help but wonder if this was really the kind of wall she was supposed to climb now. She remembered. Something reminded her of the countless promises she had made to the mess of a man next to her only a few months ago. That she wouldn't leave him be. She had once already. Probably more than once.

Her conscience struggled as she remembered the abuse of the past night, how he had humiliated her as she was first completely and then halfway naked, how he had put her at risk for his petty revenge plan.

Her mum's voice spoke somewhere. 'It's not his fault he is like this, honey. He made a huge mistake, but you should forgive him.'

Then endless hours of crying because she couldn't keep the pain of being left by him at bay. She read that letter more than 50 times, for sure. She wondered if her mother really would say what she had just imagined her to say, or if she would think the case was closed by now.

 

Eye for an eye, then?

 

She turned around and saw him looking bewildered and confused. He looked at her in a strange way, like he was trying to read a book, but couldn't focus on the letters.

 

And then it occurred to her, just like this: if she left now and something happened to him, she would never know if he could be fixed. If they could be fixed. If she left now, she would show that she had given up on him, and she couldn't do that just yet. She was in for the hand-holding and hospital waiting rooms and pills in her bathroom cabinet and collapses on her sofa. And the possible court hearings as well. And it didn't feel the way it was usually imagined – it was neither like a lightning bolt of love nor a gentle longing to be with him forever. In fact she was furious at him, the thought of being loved and touched by him made her sick to her stomach. No. It was curiosity again, her biggest weakness but also, more importantly, her biggest strength.

Her other friends were able to take care of themselves now. Josh wasn't. And she was sure he wouldn't be for a long time.

 

Finally she said: “I think it would be stupid to split now, let's just go back. Four eyes see more than two”

“You mean six”, Mike was obviously trying to be funny to lift the mood, but right now Sam didn't find Josh's state particularly amusing. She still had trouble even looking at him because it made her feel so uncomfortable that her mind was inducing a constant struggle between fight and flight.

She just shook her head and Mike realized that he went to far. “I'm sorry. Let's go. Josh? Come on, bro”

 

Josh slowly turned to Mike now, just as confused as before, but when he made a hand-motion that indicated to follow him, he still understood, and walked behind them, slowly. They walked to where they came from, silent whimpers from Josh the only sound that would break the silence. It was pitiful. Sam could feel sympathy creep up in her again, slowly, but steadily.

 

They were walking through the underground lake when Sam noticed unnatural waves at the other bank. “Watch out!”, she whispered and her and Mike froze immediately.

 

Josh continued to walk slowly.

 

Shit. Fuck. Shitshitshit - he didn't know. No one had told him he had to stay still in case they noticed something creeping up on them down here. Sam started shaking and it took all the willpower she had left to keep her body from moving any further. She bit her trembling lip so hard that it hurt. She wanted to scream Josh's name, but she knew that that would most likely get all three of them killed. She knew that. But it was hard to convince herself of it, to keep her emotions from getting the better of her. While Josh slowly set one foot in front of the other, blissful to the fact that the two persons next to him had stopped moving, she could feel tears dwelling up in her eyes. Mike next to her didn't move either, she could just assume that he was going through the same struggle as herself.

 

Then it happened. The wendigo sprang out of the water, lifting up Josh by the neck who screamed in confusion. “No! You're not real!”. 'Yes Josh. Out of all the things you imagine that aren't real, this one is', she thought. If the situation hadn't been so severe, Sam might have been amused by the irony. Why hadn't he trusted her the past couple of months? When all the guilt and abandonment was constructed in his head only? Back then she might had actually been able to do something.

Now, she was powerless.

 

As drops of water from the splashes out of his direction ran down her cheeks, Sam shut her eyes. She didn't want to see what was about to happen. The following seconds felt like decades. “Hannah?”, she could hear Josh ask almost naively. He sounded like a child that had just lost his parents in the mall. Then more noise, water moving, Josh screaming in protest. But screams were good, or at least better than silence. They meant he was alive.

 

The shouts faded and eventually, Sam dared to open her eyes and turn her head to Mike. Josh wasn't in sight anymore, neither was Hannah, or, what was left of her.

 

“Did you see what happened, Mike?”

“I- I am not sure. But I don't think he was hurt, was he?”, he didn't look particularly convinced.

“We have to get him”

“Sam, are you kidding? You wanna follow that... thi- Hannah?”

“I don't want to, Mike. I have to”, she looked him in the eyes and apparently her look left a clear message he didn't dare to object to, “you can climb up back at the cliff and get back to the others. It's okay and I understand completely. But I can't leave him here”

She fumbled for the cable car key. Mike looked at his reflection in the lake. He started smiling: “I know what it's like you know. Having to go after someone. But this is fucking stupid Sam. Most likely you'll be late and die with him here”

She smiled back, the first time in hours: “I know Michael. Good luck”.

She gently pressed his upper arm. “Now go!”

He turned around and went in the opposite direction as she waded through the water and climbed out at the other side.

 

She forced herself to take a short break after every step, which came close to torture. If she could have chosen, she would run through the mines now, but she knew that that could cost her her life. It was strangely silent, only the sound of a slight breeze and occasional water droplets falling to the ground broke it. Thud, thud...thud _._

She continued this procedure for a couple of minutes. It felt like a meditation. She counted silently to five before each step, everything around her started to feel unreal. This is so fucked.

 

And then she saw him. He lay on the floor, twitching. “Get off me, get off me! Let me be! Let me die _!_ ”

Sam was beyond caring. She ran towards him. “Josh!”, she shook him.

“Naaaargh, NO, get off me!”

“Josh! Joshie!”, he blinked and looked at her, looked her straight in the eye. For the first time tonight, they were able to keep eye contact for a whole of four seconds, “Joshie, it's me. I won't hurt you okay?”

She broke out in tears. She buried her face in his chest and cried. She clang her hands into his shirt like she was hanging onto it to save her life and sobbed. Everything came out. The last night. The last months. There was absolutely nothing else that mattered in this moment.

She could feel that Josh reluctantly put his hands on her back and started to comfort her. It felt like he didn't know how to move them. How it was to comfort someone.

“I'm sorry I hurt you Sam”, his voice was hoarse and didn't quite sound like his own. Apparently he had noticed and he cleared his throat.

“I know Joshie. I know”, she made an effort to breathe steadily again and stopped crying, but she didn't move her head from his chest for a few more moments.

 

“So is this family now?”, he asked. It didn't really sound like he was addressing anyone in particular, but Sam replied anyways.“I think it is, Josh”, she whispered against his chest. “A new reality, but a good one this time”

 

Sam slowly sat up. She quickly scanned his body, but there didn't seem to be any further injuries apart from the scratches that had already been on his face before. “Can you stand?”, she asked and as she pulled at his arm, he easily got on his feet. “Okay Josh, listen to me now. I will explain everything to you as soon as we're out of here. There's only one important thing. If anything moves or makes a sound that isn't, well, me, please stand still. Completely still, like ice statue still okay? That's the only way we can get out of here safely. And Josh, I'm with you, okay, do you understand?”

“Yes, yes. Yes. I trust you... I think”

* * *

 

The sun had begun to rise. When they walked towards the direction of the lodge, Sam could smell it even before she actually saw it. It felt out of place in this icy landscape that was framed by snow that had started to fall from the sky.

Burnin _g_ wood. _Fire._

Then the lodge appeared at the horizon. It stood completely in flames. Sam had never thought that the view of mayhem would comfort her so much. She didn't know what exactly had happened, but she was sure it was a good thing. Fire, the ultimate weapon against wendigos. When they approached what was left of the building, she could see a helicopter and a rescue team running around. She could also spot Matt and Chris, both curled up in a blanket, staring into space. The first person to spot them was Mike. He seemed completely puzzled at first, but the realization that there were actually two of them, alive, hurrying towards him stole a little smile. “Shit, Sam! You did it!”

As the tears silently escaped her eyes, she could her two birds singing at each other in the distance.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we are *sigh*  
> Thanks if you sticked with me until dawn (hehe). I'd be most happy if you could leave some feedback <3


End file.
